from the file marked 'tired and emotional'

Maybe I'm overtired, maybe I'm just thinking about life too much.

Maybe I should really stop saying maybe so freaking much.

I tend to preface my speech with, "I don't know..." and "Maybe...". There's hesitation there because I could not possibly be more definite about what's to follow , whether it's professional or personal - but I'm scared to be so definite. When I say either of those phrases in front of something, you know I really know.

It's a habit, a bad one at that. "I don't know" is my own personal "um"

So what do I know?

* I know that I'm sleep deprived because I'm frustrated with my situation. Refer to the previous post to get the drift.
* I know that caffeine doesn't help. Come 9am, I'm still no more mentally awake than at 6am.
* I know that something's got to give. Something's got to give to make life more rich, more interesting, more fulfilling.
* I know that I make the pasta bake, the tortellini pasta bake with the ricotta and homemade tomato sauce, the one that got so much praise and it still tastes delicious. But the praise isn't there with my culinary audience of les parents. I miss that appreciation. I miss the spirit in which I made it - so joyful. I miss the ahava I threw into it.

The secret ingredient really is ahava.