le sigh

I have a Hens Night to go to in just under an hour and a half.

And to tell you the truth, I cannot be arsed going.

I can never be bothered with them. In the past year, I have been to massive three hens nights, four kitchen teas and I'm sure my brain cannot remember additional pre-marital girly fests.

I don't like them.

I don't like the giggles, the lame 'how well does the bride know the groom' quiz, the penis paraphernalia (unless you can prank someone with it in the days following)and in some cases, the inevitable male stripper. Don't get me started on how tacky the male stripper thing is. I have one thing to say before I move on: a shaved scrotum is not cool. Not now, not ever.

My hate is simple: my friends never do this in our everyday, week-to-week friendship existence. Why start with the sleazy stuff now, as if to salute our soon-to-be hitched friend off with one last nod to being a single lady? Why do it in a way we never acted in the first place?

And as for kitchen teas - they're cute. Outdated but cute. I hate the 'identify the spices game'. I feel mildly awkward as two or three generations of women collide. But it's nice. And let's face it - it's always funny when Nanna makes a somewhat inappropriate remark. Plus, I love buying bakeware for my friends. It is also the only way they will ever get my banoffee pie recipe.

Please, please don't read any of this the wrong way. This isn't a feminist rant. I wouldn't call myself feminist. I am just me, trying to be the best me I possibly can be. But I think we should act authentically rather than act to some lame, two-and-a-half star American rom-com prescription of what a hens night should be.

And again, don't regard me as jealous of my engaged/married friends. In the land of ifs and/or whens I would hate my own hens night as much as anyone else's.

So here I am, an hour and a quarter before a close friend's hens night. I love her to death and I'm going because it should be fun (and did I mention I love her to death?). But I'm not looking forward to it; I have my early escape plan hatched.

I'll try not to roll my eyes.