new beginnings, trying not to freak out

Ok. So this is the tearful "I wanna go home post". It had to happen soon enough.

I don't mind Orange. It's a nice place. Very pretty with the nice old buildings and whatnot.

People here are friendly. I've already made four - count them four friends.

I've had the shocked "You came here from Perth" expression used a million times today.

I've lost count of the times that tears have welled up in my eyes over the past 48 hours. As much as it wasn't as scary an experience as Karratha, this isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm in an apartment (read: motel room with a kitchen) by myself and I'm driving myself completely insane.

When I'm not crying, I'm trembling and when that's not happening, I'm scared of the crying and trembling that's to come.

Orange will be my home for at least the next six months, but Perth is running through my veins. I can't and don't want to let go of that for fear that I may lose friends, memories and important milestones. My past is there and I'm scared that my future isn't.

I miss you all so much. If I could split myself in two and be in Perth and Orange and not feel any sort of discombobulation, I would do it in an instant. The opportunity is right here, right now but the homeliness, the friends and the dependability hasn't arrived yet.

One of the things with anxiety attacks is that your flight or fight reflex goes into overdrive. I'm not a fighter so I feel like I have to escape. I know it's just a primal urge (minds out of the gutter, please) and that it's really not going to help to be so edgy - nothing's going to leap out and attack me.

But the fact remains - I'm here, I'm alone; to me that's the scariest thing ever.

If you're the praying type, please pray for me. If that's not your bag, keep me in your thoughts - I need both of them.