panic stations

Yesterday morning I was on the verge of a panic attack.

That in and of itself is concerning, I haven't had a panic attack for a good 20 months. I thought I'd gotten past the panic and anxiety.

It's another reminder that I'm very human, very vulnerable. Perhaps you're never quite cured of your demons. Wherever you go, there you are. You're no different and no less susceptible because you've moved on - both in time and place and mental position.

What made this panic attack even stranger, potentially more concerning?

I was having a panic attack in my sleep.

As vivid as losing a tooth in a dream is, so too is having a panic attack. Just as you feel the gums and the gap in your 'losing a tooth' dream, so too do you feel the instant your stomach plummets, your head spins and your thoughts become irrationally worst case scenario. It's very real, very raw, very scary.

And I can understand why I had the dream. I am simultaneously excited and petrified about my plans.

I need to relearn the tools to keep the panic attacks in dream land and not in real life. Just another thing to add to the to-do list.