don't get me wrong

I'm not upset because I got the thin envelope.

Let's face it, when you get an envelope, it's going to be a fail.

Success is marked by personal contact over the phone.

Nothing good has ever come from an envelope.

And did I expect the envelope?

Yes. Yes, I did. I've had many phone call experiences and envelope fails.

I wasn't surprised.

Does it make me more determined to write and write well?

Definitely.

But what was I surprised that no one really cared that I got an envelope instead of a phone call?

Yes. There wasn't even a sense of fake disappointment for me.

I guess this just adds to the frustration of how mundane life is at the moment. Do I need the money a phone call would have brought? No. It wasn't essential. But do I need something positive to bolster my spirits, reinforce the fact that , hey I'm good at something? Yes. desperately. I need a sense of place, a sense of being. A sense that something is right and well.

So don't get me wrong I'm not disappointed at getting an envelope, just disappointed that life carries on as usual.